Whilst there are four practical "legs" that more formally define The Therapist's Mentalizing Stance, below we list a more general set of features that characterise the broad "flavour" of this "way-of-being-with"...

These have much in common with the Features of Successful Mentalizing - as the mentalizing therapist seeks to be a focus of consistent attempts to relate through accurate (and thus compassionate) mentalization.

Tentativeness

This refers to the lack of absolute certainty about what is right or wrong and it also implies a preference of for viewing things as being relative and complex.

Humility (moderation)

This refers to having a balanced attitude to most statements about mental states, based on the acceptance of not being in a privileged position to know the contents of another person's mind.

Playfulness and humour

These permit interacting and reflecting in a relaxed and creative manner.

Flexibility

This is an attitude which allows individuals not to get ‘stuck’ in one point of view or position, but permits to change their minds in response to feedback, considering alternatives.

‘Give and take’

This enables individuals to solve problems, by involving others and appreciating turn-taking, implying an overall appreciation of one’s own as well as the other person’s thoughts and views. Turn-taking manifests itself of allowing space for each person to describe their experience ( “Let me tell you what I think or feel when such and such happens”) rather than defining other people’s experience or intentions.

‘Responsibility and accountability’

This is an attitude which takes ownership for one’s own thoughts, feelings and actions, rather than conveying a sense that these ‘happen’ to the person, implying a victim stance rather than a sense of agency.