Checking is a key component of the Mentalizing Loop and one of a range of helpful Engagement techniques).

It is important to check whether the KW has understood what people are saying (e.g. "let me just check with you that I've got this right...") Thus repetition, in slightly changed language, offers confirmation of being understood, emphasises what has been said by repetition, and offers the opportunity to begin to frame the family's presentation somewhat differently (e.g. "he always deliberately tries to hurt me..." to "when it feels to you as if he is trying to hurt you deliberately ..."). Very often the change would be to add a mentalizing stance, i.e. to recognise that the behaviour of self and others is mediated by mental states.

Checking is a powerful enactment

Checking is an enactment of the The Therapist's Mentalizing Stance, modelling respectful curiosity, expressed tentatively, about mental states. It models the 'not-knowing' that comes with a belief that our mental states are interesting, useful to understand accurately, but also opaque to each other.

It is also a helpful example of one of many Engagement techniques described in this manual.

Checking the Links

Accurate mentalizing increases the narrative coherence of an event, and reinforces the assumption that our understanding of behaviours is improved when they are perceived as being embedded within (and to some extent contingent upon) a wider context, including repetitive historical patterns. Linking an observed interaction, such as a momentary loss of mentalizing in a family, with previous accounts or reports of problems is an important beginning of the task to Generalize (and Consider Change).

Checking as confirming the limits of our 'mind-reading'.

Checking understandings also powerfully affirms the mentalizing notion that we do not have privileged access to the contents of each other's minds (mentalizing is never the same as mind-reading). It is an enactment of the The Therapist's Mentalizing Stance which offers a tentative stance, that is inquisitive about other people's mental states.

Checking as affirming of the value of mentalizing.

Implicit in our checking understandings and feelings is that we affirm the importance of understanding other peoples' mental states. This is an enactment of the The Therapist's Mentalizing Stance which constantly affirms the value and signficance of mentalizing.

Checking at the end of the loop

By the end of a session it is important to conclude a therapeutic sequence by getting each family members to view what happened from a meta-perspective. This is, in effect Mentalizing the Affect.

This helps to evaluate what may have been a new and emotionally charged experience, giving them the opportunity to reflect together about what happened and the possible consequences:

“What did you make of what happened? Can you talk together about what this was like for each and all of you? Are there any conclusions you can draw from this?”