On occasions the therapist may use descriptions of his or her experience of being in the situation as a way of:

• Alerting the family to the 'meta-position' - giving a 'bird's eye view on the situation:

"Right now I must tell you that I am feeling quite lost and overwhelmed by the sheer volume and intensity of what is going on between all of you - it is all I can manage to hold onto myself - so I am guessing that this might feel slightly similar for some of you, too."

• Repairing or strengthening the therapeutic alliance:

"Id like to check with you all [especially parents] if you would feel you could tell me if at any point any of you find yourself defending yourself, feeling attacked, misunderstood, or are not sure if I am really on your side."

• Other techniques
• Monitor one’s mistakes and be ready to model honesty and courage by acknowledging mistakes
• Promise you will make more mistakes and suggest that:

"I hope my next mistakes will not be hurtful, but will give us a chance to take a step back and learn how to talk about how to work out our mistakes, misreadings and all the resulting hurt and anger."