Therapists at times get caught up in heated exchanges themselves, or feel paralysed by the family’s dynamics.

Here it is important to take a ‘breather’. This can be done by getting up and stating:

“Sitting here in the midst of it all makes my head spin…. It stops me from having useful ideas. I need to clear my head – I think I’ll take a short break, I’ll be back in 5 minutes…. feel free to take a break as well or continue arguing if you need to”.

The purpose is to create a reflective space for the therapist who may, away from the battlefield of the family, literally clear his head for new ideas and direction, talking to himself outside the consulting room – or indeed with colleagues if this is possible. Leave the session with an explanantion along the lines of: "my own mentalization is really under pressure here!"

You are modelling the fact that "I know my own mentalization (like everyone's) is fragile and I take responsibility for sustaining it."

See Affect storms