7 characteristics of relational strengths in Successful Mentalizing:

1. Curiosity

This refers to an attitude where the individual is genuinely interested in other people’s thoughts and feelings and respectful of the respective perspectives of others. It is also characterised by an expectant attitude that one’s understanding will be elaborated or expanded by what is another person’s mind. It also implies openness to discovery and a reluctance to make assumptions, or hold prejudices, about what others think or feel.

2. The stance of safe uncertainty (Mason 2002) – also referred to as ‘opaqueness’:

This refers to the open acknowledgment that one frequently does not know what other people are thinking, without being completely puzzled or overwhelmed by what happens in the mind of others. This stance is based on a general sense that the reactions of others are to some extent predictable, given the knowledge one may have of what others think and feel.

3. Contemplation and reflection:

This refers to the desire to reflect on how others think in a relaxed rather than compulsive manner.

4. Perspective-taking

This is a stance and attitude which is characterised by the acceptance that the same thing can look very different from different perspectives, which tend to reflect individuals’ different experiences and histories.

5. Forgiveness

This refers to the understanding of the actions of others by basing this on the understanding of their mental states. An example of this is the dissipation of one’s own anger once one has understood why the other person had acted as they did.

6. Impact awareness

This refers to the awareness of how one’s own thoughts, feelings and actions impact on others.

7. A non-paranoid attitude

This describes the stance whereby the individual does not implicitly consider the thoughts of others as presenting a significant threat and having in mind the possibility that minds can be changed.