See also Contingencies.

When I experience a behaviour or a response to me as non-contingent this implies that - from my point of view - there is a "lack of fit". In it's turn, what this means is that the other person has failed to understand, or accept, or acknowledge ME, and the unique predicament that I face, right here, right now.

In other word the other person has failed to mentalize me accurately.

The lack of any sense that "this person has apprehended or accepted my mind", means that I do not experience "Epistemic Trust" - the knowledge that someone has authentically connected and sympathetically understood these things.

Activation of Epistemic Trust is necessary if I am to be able to LEARN from my "teacher". My being open to learn depends on my experiencing this Epistemic Trust - the sense that "you have noticed and understood what it is like to be me."